Jump on a Passing Liberal Democart

As promised here is the second handy guide to what the parties have to offer in the forthcoming UK General Election. Today it is the turn of the Liberal Democrats.

Top Pledges

1. Be totally cross our hearts and hope to die consistent, clear and tell it like it is. We will simply not promise anything to anyone anytime anywhere.

2. More police

3. Cut police budget to fund tree hugging

4. Cut down trees to help world peace

5. World peace except if we need to go to war to get world peace

7. The number six to be banned as this is offensive to non Christians

8. Campaign for the reintroduction of the number 6

6. A fully costed pledge not to giggle when we talk about being a realistic political choice rather than a wasted vote.

2.Improve the teaching of mathematics

9.More police again

7.Improve care for those suffering with dementia

7.Improve care for those suffering with dementia

1.Compulsory candy floss clouds and lemonade rivers

9.We will not tolerate intolerance

10. Ummmmmm

11. Support our troops

12. Undermine our troops

44. More neighbourhood watch schemes so that we can spot a populist bandwagon and jump on it

1. Everyone to have their cake and eat it

If the Lib Dems form the next government, stop it, it is widely predicted that Vince Cable will fill every cabinet position. The Lib Dem leader, old whatisname, is widely tipped to run in the 4.15 at Wincanton.

So there you have it. And remember, the Lib Dems are a serious force in modern British politics. Stop giggling at the back.