Pretty in Pink

Hello poppets. Well what an eventful day I had yesterday. Woke up with what I suspected was Polonium 210 poisoning. After a trip to the doctors he couldn't rule out Acute Polonium 210 Induced Poisoning Syndrome but thought it rather more likely that I had a cold. Phew! what a relief. He then made me take all my clothes off for a full examination. He was German and I strongly suspect he was gay.

He was very concerned by a black, sticky, yeast like substance that he found between my toes. "Unknown to medical science" were his exact words, "referral to specialist in Vienna", "would I mind if he took photos and could I drape myself coquettishly over his examination table". I was just adjusting the nipple tassles he had given me when I remembered I had dropped my marmite on toast that morning and must have missed a bit. Panic over.

Anyway, from one German fairy to another (Can I say that?), Princess Lillifee The Movie. The daughter wanted to see this. How can I explain it to any of you who have not seen it. Well, just imagine Bambi and the cast of Watership Down meeting Sponge Bob Squarepants in a dark alley,then gang raping him. Nine months later a baby is born. That baby grows, develops a nasty candyfloss habit and starts to mainline petrol and bucket fulls of psychotropic drugs. Now add more pink than you could shake a stick at and you are still nowhere near imagining how smashing Princess Lilifee the Movie really is.

To be fair this is not my opinion of the film. I fell asleep before the film started. I have simply repeated what my 5 year old daughter told me after the usher woke me up. She has a mouth on her that one.

Just last week I caught her down the rough end of Sunnymountain Street abusing the transvestites who congregate there after midnight. She was yelling that they had no sense of style, that their shoes and handbags clashed and that some of them needed a thorough going over with an Epilady if they were going to wear those slingbacks. Some of them were actually crying. Why are you doing this I asked her? I want to be a TV critic when I grow up dad she said. It's been a long day. Have a lovely weekend.