Occam`s Razor-The Best a Man Can Get

Today the daughter is off school with a fever. I have been forced to clean around her, lifting her up every now and then to dust or hoover underneath. It has been non stop with the old Cillit Bang and I am exhausted. I havent even had the time or energy to shave this morning.

Well, I was taking the rubbish out when I saw Professor Roche Van Der Bong, the Street`s resident Dutch biologist know it all. The Prof is as thin as a stick and has his head in the clouds, literally, as he stands at well over two metres, that converts to just over bloody tall for those of you still using imperial measurements.

He was obviously out on one of his regular field trips, old canvas bag and butterfly net slung over his shoulder, pith helmet perched at a jaunty angle and sporting his usual unsightly sock and open toe sandle combo.

The Prof is always banging on about his work. He is totally obsessed and says his whole being is devoted to saving the richly diverse flora and fauna of our wonderful planet. Yawn.

I have always wanted to ask him why, when he finds some fascinating new species quietly going about it`s business, he feels obliged to impale it on a pin and then shove it into a dusty old glass display case?. But maybe its best to keep quiet for the sake of our friendship.

Anyway, after twenty minutes of being brought up to date with the fascinating developments in the world of tree-shrews and the mammalian phylogenetic tree (no idea) I managed to get a word in and told the Prof about the daughter`s illness, saying I wasn`t sure if it was Avian Bird Flu.

"You should use Occam`s Razor" said the Prof.

"I`m more of a Gillette man myself" I replied, stroking my unshaven chin.

The Prof slowly shook his highly domed head, "No, I mean Occam`s Razor,the principle that recommends selection of the hypothesis that introduces the fewest assumptions and postulates the fewest entities while still sufficiently answering the question".

"Eh?" I said

"I mean that the probability that your progeny has contracted H5N1, a subtype of Influenza A virus endemic to birds, perceived by some as a significant pandemic threat, is less likely than England winning the next World Cup" said the Prof in a decidedly egghead tone of voice.

"Eh?" I said

"She`s just got a cold you ignoramus" said the Prof

Well why didn`t he just say that in the first place?. Ponce.

Then he lolloped off to slaughter some more of his beloved life forms. I went in and told the daughter that she didn`t have Bird Flu.

"Get out of the way of the tv" she said " I can`t see Hannah Montana". I think she is feeling a little better. Excellent, back to school tomorrow.