Suicide Isn`t Painless

The weather here is still as bleak and depressing as a UK election result, it`s really getting people down. I just drove past the Dignitas assisted suicide clinic and they were queueing round the block. There were also many religious groups protesting with banners saying things like "Don`t Let Worry Kill You- Let the Church Help" and "Honk if You Love Jesus".

I did honk the horn but only to clear the road of tambourine tapping happy clappers who were holding up the traffic. As I drove by one of the God Squad threw a leaflet into the car. All I can say is that any unemployed grave diggers reading this? Grab your shovel and hot foot it over to Zurich, you`ll hit the mother lode, guaranteed.

To add to my personal sense of doom and gloom I haven`t been able to find a decent shirt for my return to work. Actually thats not quite true. I did find and buy one shirt. To say it was expensive would be an understatement. I couldn`t afford it but the shop assitant gave me a special price. In the end I only had to sign over a tenth of my future income, agree to undertake a little light housework twice a week and perform a sex act. Shirt buying over here can ruin you and that really leaves a nasty taste in the mouth.I do miss Pinks and Hacketts.

Anyway, I have just had my 11am Pink Gin and I decided to read the leaflet chucked into the car at the protest. It had been helpfully translated into English and reads as follows.


REFORM CHURCH OF SATAN
CHURCH BULLETIN


Thursday night - Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.


This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Wednesday the Ladies’ Liturgy Group will meet. Frau Würst will sing, "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.

Thursday at 5:00 PM, there will be a meeting of the English Speaking Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

Thanks to Frau Grun for her help at Easter when she came forward and laid an egg on the altar.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement this Saturday.


Who thought religion could be so much fun. I`m off to church. Have lovely weekends.