Georgie Porgie and the Bearded Lady

Still no missive from Dave. I did get an email from young George Osbourne, the Shadow Chancellor and Head Tuck Shop Monitor. In a nutshell he said Alistair Darling is rubbish and smells a bit. I told the cheeky young chipolata that I used to work with Alistair and he was not at all rubbish, but that yes, I was already aware of the personal hygeine issues.

He also asked if he could copy my homework and if he could catch swine flu from email spam. "No George, no. You will only be cheating yourself and one day you may be running the economy, and email spam is not the same as the delicious pork based product you may have enjoyed as a boy" I said. Honestly, the problems I have with these politicians.

Just got back from the supermarket where I bumped into Fat Kath in the men`s grooming section. She was holding a beard trimmer. "For my husband" she said when she saw me glance at the trimmer. I suspect not, partly because her husband is as hairless as a new born badger and partly because Kath has a five o`clock shadow and something approaching a handlebar moustache.

Kath told me she was starting up her own blog. I said " given that you are as wide as you are tall, almost globe like, you will bring a whole new meaning to the term blogosphere. Are you going to be addressing lots of weighty issues on your blog"?. No, you`re right, I didn`t say that, only thought it. I am too chicken.

After exchanging a few more fake pleasantries we swiss cheek kissed three times as is the norm here. I now have stubble burn.

PS- I now have advertising (see above) Please help the poor starving Africans and my bank balance. Klick away like it`s going out of fashion. This time next year I`ll be a millionaire!