X-Men and a Baby

Well another Christmas is over. I love the festive season, scrumptious tucker, crap telly and having good friends to stay. Sadly this year the good friends were busy so we had to bus in the standbys.

The first lot were the Gillespie Massive, a well known South London crime family. With admirable foresight I had planned for their every need and layed in industrial quantities of Vaseline, alcohol, intimate wipes and steroids which kept the whole clan in the festive spirit. Despite the restaurant incident, where a diner took a fork to the eye, the car jacking and the disgraceful things they did to the local Heidi impersonator, the authorities mercifully decided not to press charges. Thankfully the rest of their visit passed off without a major diplomatic incident. They were waved off from Zurich Airport by the rather relieved Swiss riot police.

Then a few days later Captain America and the X-Men arrived accompanied by their official photographer. Must be a new film out soon. The whole compound knew that they had arrived when we heard the car horn blaring out a rendition of James Brown`s Living in America. I glanced out of the window to see a gleaming white super charged Hummer.

Once they were settled and were satisfied that their communication equipment was draining the Swiss national grid, I offered them a cup of tea. No sooner was my back turned reaching for the Hob Nobs, than Captain America, or Stu as he likes to be known when off duty, proceeded to impregnate the official photographer. The official photographer looked somewhat startled as you would expect.

Well what does one do in such a situation, does one offer congrats or phone the fuzz?. I decided to play it safe and cracked open a fresh tin of First Flush Lapsong Suchong.

I consoled the photographer and offered her one of the buns I had in the oven. She collapsed into a feotal postion and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. "Why me? My life is ruined". Well I have never been in a situation where someone reacted like that, not since my wedding night anyway.

When she had calmed down I promised her ( I won`t use the real name because Jacks asked me not to) that all was not lost and I would use my super blogging powers to boost her fledgling photographic business. Anyone want any photographic work done? She really is rather terrific.

The rest of the visit passed quietly with Captain America pausing only briefly to remodel my house, rescue small children locked in bathrooms and drink the European wine lake dry. I can`t type anymore because I pulled a muscle carrying the emptys to the bottle bank this morning. Check in soon.

PS-can everyone who gets this let me know as I am trying a new thing