Dib Dib Dib

I remember the day my scout troop, the 201st Hagley Bastards, was disbanded. We were forced to line up and were ceremonially wet towel flicked out of Baden Powell`s finest after a series of incidents involving the local girl guides, the Queen, warm custard and a flag pole. I will spare you the sordid details. Our scout leader, Adolf Hathaway, moved down the line, shredding scarves and mashing merit badges. The most painful experience was having my woggle crushed under a hob nailed boot.

We were then informed that we were a disgrace to Queen and country and that never in the history of the scouting movement had a troop achieved such notoriety. When I asked if this qualified for an achievement badge we were forced to flee screaming into the night as old Adolf lost it and went absolutely shouty crackers.

So that is where my association with the scouting movement ended some 30 years ago. I always assumed that my family name had been placed on some International No-Scouting list. So when the wife signed up the daughter for the local Swiss Brownie troop I was expecting a bit of a kerfuffle. But it appears that time has healed the collective scouting consciousness and the daughter was welcomed into the fold with open arms.

Did you know that the book Scouting for Boys (you have to love scouting, the names they use, its a target rich environment for double entendres) comes fourth in the list of bestselling books of all time, behind the Bible, the Koran and Mao-Tse-Tung`s Little Red Book?. There is also a book called Scouting Aids. Presumably this is a must-read after the scout master has located you via Scouting for Boys.Be prepared, always practice safe scouting. Please feel free to use any of these amazing facts to impress your chums.


They do seem to be a bit short on meeting places over here. Ours was under a tree just off the A3. When we arrived we approached one girl who looked about 12 and asked her where Brown Owl was. It turned out that she was Brown Owl.

We were told that the mandatory parts of the Swiss uniform are the shirt, scarf, hiking boots, fire lighter and a Swiss army knife. Optional items are a belt, Scout jeans (obviously ones that stay up if you refuse the optional belt), hat and dagger. Yes that’s right, optional dagger. This list would send your average English Health and Safety officer into a spinning hissy fit, but they have balls here, ging gang goolies infact.

Anyway, the daughter loves it. The end.