A Handbag the Zoo and a New Cue

Sunday it was ice skating again. Now as you know I hate ice so I just sit and read the papers while sipping a hot chocolate while the wife and daughter trip the light fandango. One down side to this is that I have to look after the wife`s handbag. After 3 man sized hot chocs,and what with the bladder shrinking cold, nature took its course and I needed to visit the facilities. Here I learnt a valuable lesson. Never sling a handbag over your shoulder when entering the men`s toilets. Granted it gives you hands free access but it is a schoolboy error.

In a normal men`s toilet you would probably end up needing an ambulance but in one at an ice rink you are more than likely to leave with an eye opening new experience, and perhaps splinters. Lets face it, ice skating is not the butchest of pastimes. When I entered the room it was full of trainee homosexuals primping, preening and pouting. You couldn`t get near the mirror for all the spandex,sequins and spangles. With the benefit of hindsight it was also a big mistake to wear my new mauve jumper and apply a generous coat of the wife`s juicy fruit lip balm before going in. I became the centre of attention, but not in a good way.

It was my fastest ever pee. I am strongly considering getting a catheter fitted for my next visit.

This afternoon I have been conned into helping on a school trip, taking the tots to the zoo. You can`t possibly understand how much I am looking forward to it. If I make it through then its snooker tonight with Big J, Blind Jon and Land Phil. Blind Jon has a new cue, sensibly he bought it in very light wood so it can double as a white stick. Money well spent I think. Update you tomorrow.