Education Cuts, Education Bruises and An Education in life

This morning it was off to the daughter`s school for a parental visit. As you know I have experience of the little darlings from my trip to the zoo. I still haven`t got my wallet back. So before setting out I checked to make sure I had packed everything I might need, Mace spray, Taser and hip flask of Old Bloke`s Finest Sippin Liquor.

When I arrived kids were all strangely subdued and glassy eyed. I suspect their teacher, Frau Ning, had slipped Rohyphnol into the morning milk. She`s not stupid. Normally there are at least two adults there, the teacher and Vlad, her Spetznaz trained close protection officer. But the teacher had dispensed with his services this morning in order to create a good impression.

The register was taken and we all learned which kids had been taken into custody over night.

Then the children led us round proudly, if somewhat groggily, showing us parents the work they had done. The straight jackets in the naughty corner were covered in ribbons, the water cannon, riot shields and batons in the teachers room had a light sprinkling of glitter and the gibbet gently swinging outside the entrance had been buffed up to perfection.

Then it was arts and crafts time. I was put in charge of the bucket of feathers and glue with orders to keep a close eye on things. Now I am not a professional and I think that was asking too much. Half an hour in little Razor came up to me and said there was a phone call for me from the Prime Minister. I marvelled at the No 10 Downing Street telephone operator`s abilities to track people down. While I was gone the little class swot Maisy-May got tarred and feathered. How was I to know, I was set up. No recall to British politics and the pre election fray for me sadly. Gutted.

Well anyway its over now and thank goodness. I have feathers where the sun don`t shine but all in all it was a very enlightening experience. I`ll send the wife next time.

Wishing you all a pleasant weekend.