How To Get Black Balled In One Easy Lesson

Last night was my weekly unescorted release into the community. My carer made sure I had everything I needed. Bus fare and enough for a choccy treat,check. Piece of paper in breast pocket with my name and where I live written on it, check. Gloves securely sewn onto elastic and into the sleeves of my jacket, check.

Yes it was snooker night with the special needs care in the community lads.

My first game was against Four Points aka Philthy, who pulled off some brilliant shots but then quite unexpectedly started to play on my side. With two people playing against nobody it was not a close game but I didn`t like to say anything. He was very excited about his new brown seude shoes and kept looking at them admiringly. I don`t think this really helped his game. Sadly he had forgotten to take the shoes out of the box and had to hop around the table but the locals know him down there by now and are quite understanding, bless him.

Next up was Big J,the Bill Werbeniuk of Pot Bellies Snooker Club. Tragically, due to health service cuts, he has been forced to self medicate with 30 pints of Special Brew an hour. If he hits and sustains his beer peak he can be a devastating player. He didn`t. When he finally reached the peak last night he immediately fell right off the other side. Such a waste. So that was 2-0 up for yours truly.

Finally, it was Blind Jon and his formidable new cue, Satan`s Todger. He was also enjoying a 2-0 score line at that stage. His confidence riding high because of a recent award at work for the high standard of his packed lunches, he promised to be a dangerous opponent. Blind Jon is a fine player trapped in the body of a Liberal Democrat and despite the fact that I was playing with a bent cue and a ruptured spleen the young pup was taught a lesson in the dark arts of snookerocity.So a very satisfactory 4-0 night for me. Is it smug in here or is it just me?.

Then we all went back to our institutions and were strapped in for the night. Just want to wish Blind Jon bon voyage. He is off to Snooker Camp for a month.