Girl Power!

Waking this morning to the soul stirring sound of birds singing their little hearts out I flung open the bedroom window and gulped in the soft mountain air, noticing too late the neighbour and her two teenage daughters at their kitchen window directly opposite. They stared right back at me. I must remember to buy some pyjamas.

Moving on. People often ask me how I find time in my busy life as a Dummy (daddy who takes on the traditional role of mummy) to maintain a blog. Its easy, I simply neglect other things. The house is a tip and daughter has not eaten a sqaure meal since early December.

Infact, I can see her out the window trying to shimmy up to the bird table, desperate to get at the food. So cute, up she goes, oops, slips back down. She looks confused but has no idea that I have greased the pole. I don`t want the neighbours thinking I am a bad parent.

But she is happy. At least I think she is, she is not talking to me at the moment. I must have done something wrong, its either that or lockjaw.

Anyway,I treasure our precious father-daughter moments. Just last week were sitting watching a cop show in a companionable silence. Suddenly, the daughter pointed at the screen and announced that when she grew up she wanted to be just like one of the women on telly. "Ah, a detective" I replied. "No, the other one" said the daughter. I looked at the screen. The other woman was a lap dancer.

I nearly choked on my absinthe. Over my dead, cold body. With hindsight maybe I over reacted. In the last few weeks alone she has said she wanted to be a super spy, a pony with a rainbow mane and the leader of the Liberal Democrats. All silly passing childish fancies I know but maybe I am letting her watch too much telly?.

Well thats all going to change. My daughter will only have positive role models, both male and female, from now on. There is no reason that she cannot try to be anything she wants to be. Living in a female dominated household (the only time I get to pee standing up is at the snooker club) I have come to recognise that women are better at pretty much everything except throwing, catching and scratching.

And in her mother she already has a role model who, when sober, can be inspirational. I have decided I need to do my bit, to give the daughter a rounded education. So with the benefits of my vast experience I will teach her all the essential secrets of the male world: how to bowl the googlie, the lbw and off side rules, the difference between a ruck and a maul and how to get your conkers super hard . If she wants to pee standing up so be it, I`ll buy her a Shewee for Christmas.

So now that I have a plan we can concentrate on her actual career. This is obviously going to be as an opening bat for the English Women`s Cricket Team and England`s first Winter Olympics downhill ski gold medal winner. She can play conkers for Germany. If at first you don`t succeed, live vicariously. Thats my girl.