Oh Fudge Where Art Thou

I had a Facebook friend request this morning from Stomper, a kid I knew at school. He used to boast that he was a Neo Natel when what I think he meant was a Neo Nazi. Clearly he was not the brightest button in the box and currently works as a speed bump in Leeds.

It always puzzled me how someone with the IQ of a stick of liquorice and the body mass index of Jabba the Hut could claim to be a member of the master race. I do rememeber I used to enjoy winding him up by pretending that I was Pakistani. Praying 5 times a day was tough but I dropped 2 dress sizes during Ramadan.

Anyway,I declined his friend request but did find on his site a link to an old school chum, Fudge. Fudge was very quiet and very very fat. It must have been terrible for the poor chap. Teachers can be so cruel. The main thing I remember about fudge was his ear wax. He used to have amazing formations of the stuff, stalactites and stalacmites even. He let us queue up to shine a torch in his ear so that we could marvel at the natural wonder that was Fudge`s ear. And he never even charged us,a missed business opportunity as he would have been minted and had the run of the tuck shop.

Well I wont take you any further down memory lane just now, mainly because it is blocked by a bloody great snow drift. Yes it is still snowing here. Its been such a long hard winter here that the starving garden birds have unionised and now hunt the cats. And still no sign of Missy Biggs, the street`s smallest mother. I hope to God she has been taken in by a family of friendly hedgehogs and will emerge snuffling if a little flea ridden in the spring. When will this winter end!?.