Sink or Slim

Just got back from the swimming pool. What fun we had, the daughter frolicked like a 5 year old child shaped dolphin. I on the other hand resembled more of a humpbacked whale trapped in the shallows. I was half expecting Friends of the Earth to turn up cover me in vaseline and pour water over me until the tide came back in. I think I need to go on a diet.

I do not think people realise the intense social pressure we stay at home dads are under to look good. Now I am as metrosexual as the next chap, I am au fait with toilet seat etiquette and on a nodding aquaintance basis with dental floss, but being checked out by the yummy mummys during a lunch time swim is confidence destroying to say the least. The sounds of tutting and looks of disgust in the eyes of all those present seemed to follow me around. I am sure I heard one mom say to her child "look Sebastian, if you don't eat properly and excercise thats how you'll end up" . Granted the fact that I was wearing a Borat style Mankini didn't help. I knew that woman in the swimwear shop didn't have my best interests at heart.

I had to hold my stomach in for such a long time I think I have pulled a muscle. When I mercifully entered the protective cloak of the pool and relaxed it caused a powerful vortex. It was only the keen eyed watchfulness of the lifeguard that prevented those two tots from being sucked under.

I have just tried to calculate my body mass index. Anywhere between 18 and 25 is ok, I came out at 429, that is several hundred over the 40 that indicates you are morbidly obese. Must get new batteries for that damned calculator. All quite depressing. Off to look up some fadish diets and get a bikini line wax.

PS thanks to those who have recently become followers of the blog and to the original loyal stalwarts, you don't mind me calling you stalwarts do you? Brings a tear to my eye when I think about you all out there with nothing better to do than read this rubbish. Thanks and keep up the good work.