Supershrink Me

Hello its me again. I was reading today about dear Kate Moss and her "nothings tastes as good as skinny feels" comment. The advice I have always given people is to eat in moderation, that way there is more left over for me. And that, I suspect, is precisely the reason that I am in my current porky pickle.

Anyway, Ms Moss is the classiest thing to have come out of South London since the Croydon facelift. Just look at these quotes and tell me she is not a wise, wise woman with whom you can identify- "the more visible they make me, the more invisible I become", as Kate approaches old age she feels for the lot of pensioners, how sage!. "A lot of horrible, unfair, untrue things have been said about me", you are not alone sister, have you met my wife?. "It's neurotic fat women who hate me- they're stupid", here, here, I have the same problems, Fat Kath take note. You go girl, tell it like it is!

Well, full of positive Kate inspired energy I decided to go to the doctors this morning to ask about my super skinny slimming options. When my turn came I walked into his office and said hello. He held up his hand and said "no, don't tell me, let me guess, I have a knack for divining what patients are here for". He looked me up and down. "I know, hair loss treatment", "No" I said involuntarily touching my once lustrous locks. " STD?" he ventured. "No" I replied feeling my positivity ebbing away. "Impotence?". Well frankly he was just fishing now, but it was a little unsettling to even be suspected of having these middle aged maladies. Middle aged, oh God, I am!.

Anyway, putting on a brave face and trying not to cry, I said "No, I want to be as slim as Kate Moss. I will try anything, even an unproven dodgy drugs, I promise I won't sue. Yes, I want to be a guinea pig".

"With those chubby little checks and the big buck teeth you're already half way there" he quipped.

What is it with doctors today? They all think they are so bloody funny. I blame House.

I gave him a piece of my mind and left him with a flea in his ear. He left me with his bill in my pocket. I have decided to go it alone. I have put up a shrine to Kate to give me inspiration and I will record my progress over the next week. You will be able to read my daily reports on this blog.

Wish me luck.